Everyday Betrayals

Everyday Betrayals!!!

What are some common styles of EBs?

🛑 Avoidance and fear of making decisions

🛑 Actively seek shared decision making but avoid the responsibility/blame when outcomes are negative; very eager to take credit when outcomes are positive

🛑 Our actions convey to the others that we will avoid conflict at all costs

🛑 We freeze and become mute bystanders in challenging situations especially those that revoke emotions of injustice and unfairness

🛑 We don’t share useful information with others as long as we stay out of the conflict

🛑 We are unclear and inconsistent with colleagues/direct reports and family members alike and we throw them under the bus frequently; we are consistently inconsistent and unpredictable

🛑 Ask for help but eventually minimise or blame; Offer help but eventually demean

What are some likely gains of EBs? Some of the commonly observed incentives are:

👉🏼 staying safe and away from potential criticism

👉🏼 Look good at all costs, mostly at other’s expense

How do we potentially develop patterns of daily betrayals?

- relational habits that are often reinforced in the micro culture of our families

- being driven by fear of being disliked or blamed

- Use it as a coping mechanism

Why do we need to become aware of and work on EBs?

🧨 With every let down, the strength of our relationships at work and home alike gets chipped away

🧨 a general sense of trust and security in other human beings  breaks

🧨 Our nervous system stays on high alert most of the time

🧨 Everyday stress levels rise add up, effecting our personal, professional and relational wellbeing

I have worked with many clients who have suffered and sometimes unknowingly contributed to EBs.

How can therapy help?

🌈 Look at relational patterns and values

🌈 Help reflect on intrapersonal and interpersonal influences from the past and/or the present that perpetuate harmful behaviours

🌈 Communicate clear and considerate boundaries

🌈 become effective, confident and kind communicators

🌈 Tap into our authentic humanity of respect and care for others

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