What’s the best way to apologise ?

How can we make our apologies meaningful?

Here are some tips:

🔗 An apology has to be reasonable and balanced. Apologise for what you think you handled badly

🔗 Gently and with empathy, create a distinction between what you were responsible for and what you think the other person is responsible for.

If the other person has unreasonable expectations, then discuss this with calm and considerate communication.

🔗 Don’t use an apology to further reinforce your own feelings of victimhood.

Avoid statements like,  “ok fine! I’m sorry!” “Ok fine! I apologise!”

🔗 Don’t use an apology as a tool for defensiveness or to further criticise or blame the other person.

Avoid saying, “I’m sorry but…”.

🔗 If you promise to change something about your own behaviour then don’t make it conditional on the other person’s behaviour.

Avoid, “I’ll try but…”

🔗 If you promise change then follow through. If you don’t, then you will end up hurting the other person repeatedly.

🔗 Co-create solutions going forward

And finally,

🌈 keep your apology kind, clear and simple

Apologising nicely can be hard at the beginning but with the help of a good therapist you can learn to make it easy and natural for yourself and your partner.

Mend and move forward!

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